Since first writing this post I’ve started reading “Modern Romance” by Aziz Ansari which is an investigation into modern dating, including apps, websites and the struggles of finding someone when there’s an increased choice of people, at your fingertips, at all times. Additional notes and comments that feature in the book, and complement my thoughts, in italics…
When I re downloaded Tinder there was a whole load of people on there that I had matched with 3 years ago. Some had even messaged whilst I was in a relationship, which actually panicked me a little – had my profile (with all those old awkward photos on there) been live this whole time?! I figured not as there was no matches since 2014 which proved that single me had been lying low on the dating app front.
I updated said photos, leaving the first photo as a recent shameless selfie I had been quite pleased with. The light was nice and I’ve not really been great at the selfie thing much before so I didn’t feel too self indulgent (hahah also just realised it’s the one on the right in my profile on here). One from a wedding (classic) and a few from nights out where I think I look at least average to good. There was an option to have the photos switching around in some kind of marketing based A/B testing situation but I opted out – I think I know my best side, thanks Tinder. Plus what if the “love of my life” sees me on one of the average photos and then swipes the wrong way (you know, the dreaded left) then we’ll never match and meet and well you know – I didn’t fancy that.
In Ansari’s book there’s a WHOLE SECTION on picking the right profile picture, apparently selfies are very effective for girls – woohoo!
Great. It now looked just like the Bumble profile I also had recently set up too, so if someone was to see me on both, at least I’d be consistent. Frustratingly, Bumble has these weird rules (which are their USPs but I’m totally not keen on). Firstly, the girl has to speak first – which is great for avoiding cringe chat up lines like this recent fave “oi oi 😂 you’re bloody gorgeous! How is it you’re on here?! Really I’m confused, if I were to see you on the street I would serenade you for sure 😉”.
Side note – there was a whole section on what to say first to people during the initial messaging stage and how long to spend composing, how long the message actually is and according to the research in the book, spending too long on the message actually reduces the chance of a reply – who knew?!
Anyway, I digress – back to Bumble and their weird rules! Rule 2 – you only get 24 hours to send the message, which if you’re a busy gal in this day and age and you don’t have the time in that 24hours to come up with a witty yet smart and subtly flirty chat up line then it’s gone. Poof. Expired. So potentially ANOTHER missed opportunity. AND if that wasn’t bad enough and you were having a quiet evening in, writing witty, yet smart and subtly flirty chat up lines, sending over to a few matches and THEY ARE BUSY – well then yes that also means an expiration! No chances or Fs were given by Bumble (unless you pay of course).
After a few weeks of swiping I thought I’d also give Happn a go too. This app shows you potential matches based on your location and gives a little map showing you where you may have passed people in the street, and how many times (not creepy at all)! My sister had an interesting experience with plenty of potential matches going past her twice a day. It was baffling her for days – it turned out they were going past on the train, to and from work, just near our house! I’m yet to work out exactly how it all works but there seems to be the option to “like” and “charm” people. Someone messaged me the other day saying “hay”, so my experience of the guys on there is poor based on spelling / grammar so far… Another turn off documented by Ansari when discussing messaging with women in his research!
So, I’ve re-downloaded these dating apps, and there seems to be plenty more to test out too. Here’s to cringe chat up lines, witty, smart and subtly flirty replies and potentially some dates?
Or I’m totally put off dating upon completion of Ansari’s book – look out for a full review in the coming weeks – I definitely recommend so far though…